The next few days I continued to go to His Word, but now something was different. There was such a strong sense of desire that I can’t really explain. He had given me HOPE!I read with hope…. I read with belief. He took me to Psalm 119 and called me to underline every single place it referenced His word, statue, decree, precept, command, etc. ~157 times~ He pressed me to believe every word it said. To meditate on it and so I did. I began to feed on the word….literally inhale and exhale it. I kept notecards with me and pulled them out all throughout the day. It seemed that my mind was still so fragile and fearful that I had to have His truth resting around me at all times. It strengthened me in ways I really can’t describe.

“I have treasured the words of your mouth more than my daily bread.” Job 23:12

Oh Lord your laws are righteous and in your faithfulness you have afflicted me.” Psalm 119:75

“It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.” Psalm 119:71

It is DESPERATON AND DESIRE that fuels us to memorize His word. It is then we are ready to see Him and marvel at His power! His Words began to sink in my soul and come out of my mouth. I was able to give my children hope…my marriage hope.

Everything was changing in my insides….A  MIRACLE occurred that I couldn’t describe. Maybe not the parting of waters but the parting of my heart…. For God had been killing my flesh, my idols, my dependencies and I felt like I was dying….dying to myself. Yet, at the same time, I felt ALIVE and for the first time in my life really understanding how ALIVE Jesus really was/is!!!

When God cut me free from the puppeteers, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know what I was here for. I had spent my life living for others and myself. Now, that was no longer desired. In other words, I was experiencing the reality of what God called rebirth. I was starting a new life from ground up and needed Him to begin to shape my identity around Jesus through the power of His Spirit. Because I had lived for everyone else and was now living for Him,, I had to have Him tell me how to do that. What that looked like. Yes, I had been in church and proclaimed my love for Him for years of my life but this was different. This was real…This was ALIVE…. This was true! Yes, I had been cut free and fallen in the hands of the Father!


I had been freed! I had been given hope! I begged Him to take my life and use it. For this is all I have to give you. I have no gift, nothing of value to offer the God who saved and rescued me from, not only my sins but from myself. Please take my life as my gift offering to you, Jesus.

“And I said, Here I am. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Time would pass. You may ask, “what about the miracle???” “Is she healed?”  I believe she is a miracle. Not because God healed her physically, but he did spiritually. She gave Him her heart and she is His. She looked at me in the hardest of times when I would tell her how I wished I could take it from her and say, “Mama, God didn’t give this to you. It’s not yours.”  Medically, she takes a plethora of medicines to enable her to sleep as well as stay awake. For her cataplexy, she takes a medicine that has enabled her to feel excitement without negative consequences. Laughter is better. She just has to watch how much she laughs and the degree of it. She told me at 8, when she gave her life to Jesus, “You know mom, I didn’t need Jesus before. I need Him now for my every day.” She repeated these same words not long ago. She has a daily reminder of her utter dependence. Recently, I encouraged her by telling her that they were working on medicines that would help her like insulin helps diabetics. Her response was, “That is wonderful, mom but I’m worried I wouldn’t depend on Jesus like I do now.” I assured her that if they found something to help her, we were stinking taking it and I would make sure there were other ways she stayed dependent! Insert, my sarcasm and laughter. She needs Him every single day. She depends on Him coming through every single day. To me, this is a miracle…a miracle of the heart.

Her brother…a miracle… he also would give his life to Jesus. He has proved to be his sister’s most loyal prayer warrior. He wrestles with why she isn’t healed physically, but has concluded that God is God and He is not. He loves Jesus deeply and continues to go before the throne on her behalf. He is her best friend and undeniably has been the best brother!

My marriage….a miracle….time would pass and through some radical moving of the Holy Spirit in my husband and my self, God would miraculously unite us. It is amazing how when Jesus becomes your everything, that every thing falls into proper perspective.

We live in a world hungry for the presence of God. A world longing for miracles. I can’t promise that a miracle is going to happen in a tangible way that you want (though I absolutely believe He physically heals each and every day), but what I can say is that the Holy Spirit’s powerful movement in your life and my life will produce an inward unexplainable act of God that will leave you proclaiming “He Lives,” and isn’t that all what we want more affirmation of??? HE LIVES! I can tell you without one bit of doubt that He most certainly does!!!!

And myself, a miracle. I surrendered my entire life to Jesus Christ and life has looked differently. I no longer practice therapy but teach Bible study and love the women God places in my life. I hope this blog is a way to communicate my love and encouragement from Christ. I pray it is a place where you find strength and kindness. Life is beautiful and hard; messy and marvelous. We need each other and we need God.

Being on the other side of surrender is freeing and challenging. I long more for Jesus and His ways. I desire to die to myself more and more but I still wrestle with struggles, desires and hardships. I have tasted His glory and want more!! I hope we will find a friendship together through the fascinating world of the internet. I would love to hear from you and hope you know that I am cheering you on!

In His Love and Grace,


11 thoughts on “Being Set Free ~ Falling Into The Father’s Hands (Part 2)

  1. Beautifully written! Thank you so for sharing your heart!! You are the hands and feet of Jesus my friend! Pointing so many others to His light!! Miss you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “A world longing for miracles.” This so bears witness deep within me.
    HIS power – enabling us to run this race with great abandon. HIS power – empowering us to withstand the enemy and live (really live) as overcomers. HIS power – giving light to the eyes and joy to the heart – even when everything.else.fails. HIS power – saving souls, healing sickness and disease (physical and mental), raising the dead, casting out demons. HIS power – filling us with HIS love and HIS light so that we overflow HIM to a world lost in darkness.
    Thank you, Tanya. May we all continually delight ourselves in Him. Have YOUR way, Lord. ❤


  3. Hi. I’ve struggled my whole life. Through every achievement and success I have always felt blessed and trusted My Lord. Even after losing everything this past year I have felt blessed and praised God even if I can’t understand. But now he’s taken my daughter from me, in a way I don’t know how to make better, she hates me. And I have lost the only thing I ever had, not through the house fire or car fire, domestic abuse or homelessness, but our traumas have been insurmountable and my daughter whom I love and have fought for, has abandoned me, friends abandoned me, family abandoned me. Not only abandoned but judged, and judged horribly by everyone including my sweet daughter. What I say, do, think, all presumed by others and found lacking. I feel like I died, who I was before, exists no longer. I have no remnant of my former life. I just want my daughter back. I pray so hard. For me, for her, for us. I want God to place me to show me to guide me. I have faith. Have always felt close to God even though others see me differently. I guess I related to this because God has killed the old and preparing me for the new. I don’t know where to go or if anyone even cares. I feel so unloved and unwanted by everyone I try so hard for. I have never been good enough, first choice, or patted on the back for job well done. God has taken everything and everyone He ever gave me, including the love and respect of my daughter, and it has destroyed me slowly, slowly breaking me one abandonment at a time. And still I praise My Lord. But what can I do to move forward when He is still removing my everything….


    1. Hey Candice, I can hear your hurt and recognize the pain must be very deep. It saddens me to know the depth of pain you are feeling. Thank you for sharing your heart. I take that so seriously and know it is not an easy thing to do. I believe we all go through different hardships in life that ultimately can take us to the end of ourselves. I believe it is there, and only there, that we make or don’t make a very critical decision. For me, I had to hate where I was enough to finally surrender everything to Jesus Christ. God had tried multiple times in my past to get me to surrender. He wanted what was best for me and my family and He knew that it only came through surrender. But, unfortunately , I was stubborn and determined to do things my way. So, the Lord, in His grace, allowed me to have things my way and I recognized it made me miserable. I had to experience lots of pain. But, then, I realized that it was Jesus Christ I truly needed. I began to absorb His Word and obey it rather than read it to inspire me. That was a game changer. I surrendered and through that I actually discovered who I was and why God had me on earth. I made different choices and began to feel and taste hope. Candace, I certainly do not want you to walk this thing out alone. There are many ways to get help and support (churches, counselors, doctors, people who have walked similar journeys). I encourage you to seek medical counsel as you walk with the Lord on the heart hurts. I would encourage you to seek His Word and meditate on it, pray it and ask God hard questions. Never underestimate the abundance of God’s grace. There is never a situation or a person too far gone that Jesus can’t restore and turn things completely around! I have seen it. I know it! It may take some time but even in the “time” He is making things new. This is a new year and it can look completely different than last year. Have hope and determine that this year will be different than the former. You are not alone and God never abandons us. I am lifting you in prayer at this very moment.
      “I waited patiently on the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:1-3
      “The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18
      In His Grace and Love,



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